Roller Coaster Days

Although it should have been a priority to visit Dr Woo, we were just so busy that we only managed to squeeze in some time to visit to him yesterday. & well, ... I'm 7 weeks pregnant! :)

My emotions this time were totally different from my 1st pregnancy. When I 1st knew about my 1st pregnancy, I was overwhelmed with the reality of the sudden responsiblity, change in lifestyle, & sense of helplessness that I felt even more burdened than joyous about it. It took me a few months before I finally settled down & felt excited at being a new mummy. This time, being an experienced pregnant mummy, I am more prepared to welcome the new baby, & I am actually looking forward to the experience of looking after a new born again!

Yes, I must be crazy... because it would mean sleepless nights with 3-4 night feeds, painful & tiring breastfeeding, more piles of dirty laundry, crying baby, even lesser or minimal personal time, etc. But these sacrifices are all worth it when I think of the little one.

My previous pregnancy was actually quite tough with all the medical condition, but the worst memory was the endless vomiting. For most, its morning sickness. For me, it should be called ALL-DAY sickness! I vomit whatever minimal food I take & the feeling of vomiting is gross & extremely uncomfortable. I remembered I'll tear sometimes as I vomit.

So I told myself this time, I am going to confess positively. I am not going to vomit. I will not be emotional (I was handling my emotions very well for my 1st pregnancy). I will not feel tired, but I will be energetic. The baby or me will not have any medical condition. I will not have swollen feets & hands. I will still be able to work effectively in my work. I will be a pretty pregnant mummy.

But today, I'm feeling a little different. In fact, so different from yesterday. I am soOoOoOo tired! The pregnancy hormones are starting to get active & it makes me lethargic & sleepy. After sending James off to the airport this morning, I am supposed to attend a training from 1-5pm. I'd reached office, but skipped the training when I could hardly think straight anymore. I slept all the way on the bus journey home, something I rarely done. Once I reached home, I slept from 130pm all the way to 430pm! & I still feel tired!

Then I began to worry about taking care of Charis alone in my current state for this weekend. What if I'm so tired that I can KO anytime & she still refuse to sleep early? Can I cope emotionally & physically with her? Do I have the patience to? It must be the change in hormones again, because I started to tear as I felt so helpless.

So talking about all those positive confessions... its gonna take some time...