Felt So Loved :)

My cell group gave me a surprise birthday dinner on 30th Nov 09. James brought me to Swensons for dinner, & lo & behold, some of my cell group members were there to give me a memorable night! :)

I had a double portion of "ice-cream cake"!

Cell group bought a Mphosis bag for my birthday gift. It comes in handy as my new diaper bag :) Of course, James has to try it on as he has to carry for me often ;) Looks more matching on him than my current diaper bag which looks like from Agnis B, but is actually from Mount Alvernia Hospital ;)

They also blessed me with a big ang bao for my brother's medical bills. & I was really touched at the generous amount that all of them gave, for they are so generous! Karen Ten said to me, "That's what friends are for." Indeed, they are friends in need.

A New Beginning!

I am so looking forward to my birthday! Maybe it marks a new beginning? I can't wait for year 2010 to arrive too! A new year brings hope to me :)

This year had been a most difficult year. So many unhappy things had happened at work, family, marriage, etc. Many times I broke down in the shower or wake up crying in the nights. Sometimes the pressures are so overwhelming I feel I am buried under.

I can't wait for year 2009 to be over for a fresh new year to start with. But of course, I know the way I enter year 2010 is determined by the way I end year 2009. So I am gonna stay positive no matter what.

I have become more mature. My faith in God had been tested and stretched. I have learn to invest more in friendship and not to take my spouse for granted. Crisis had bond my family even closer, and I have learn to be a pillar of strength and support for them. Crisis had made me a better person.

Yet I look forward to year 2010 because I know I serve a great God! I believe in His promises. He has given me a hope and a great future. He is the beacon of light in the midst of darkness.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you," says the LORD, "thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."

In all these, most importantly, I pray I will have a heart like King David's - to know God.

Jeremiah 24:6-7
For I will set My eyes on them for good, and I will bring them back to this land; I will build them and not pull them down, and I will plant them and not pluck them up. Then I will give them a heart to know Me, that I am the LORD; and they shall be My people, and I will be their God, for they shall return to Me with their whole heart.

Singapore is Ridiculously Expensive!

My brother has been staying in the hospital for about 36 days now. To date, his hospital bill is $9,793.43! And in case you are thinking he is staying in A Ward... no... he's staying in C Ward. Even the medical social worker was stunned when I told her the bill amount. She even asked me how come it is so expensive when he's already staying in C Ward? The bill is still adding on as my brother won't be discharged so soon.

Another bomb dropped on us yesterday. My brother will have to stay in Ang Mo Kio Community Hospital for rehabilitation. The nurses & doctor could not tell us exactly how long he needs to stay there. They can only say he will need to stay there for quite a period of time, & the medical social worker told me that the average monthly bill is $3,800+!

2 big bombs! What is going to happen to all those poor folks? Folks who are so poor they can't even afford to buy insurance or have no medisave?? My brother's insurance does not cover community hospital (even though I had persuaded him since long time ago to purchase such insurance...), hence it would really be a financial strain on my family.

Singapore is Ridiculously Expensive!

According to your faith, it will be done

When James & me visited my brother 2 Thursday night ago, although he was feeling weak & tired, he was still able to sit up and talk. The next morning when I visited him, he had lost the use of his limbs & hands due to the brain damage caused by the virus attacking his brain! He wasn't even able to talk anymore!

On the 4th day that his condition turned worst, the doctor told him & me that he may not make it past that week. My brother fell into depression, & it wasn't better for my family. To see someone so close suddenly became paralysed was already heartbreaking. To know that he may not live was much worst. As his condition deteriorate so suddenly, it was harder for us to accept emotionally.

On the 3rd day that my brother fell critically ill, God spoke clearly to me, "According to your faith, it will be done." I asked Him, "Will my brother be healed?" He repeated, "According to your faith, it will be done."

Despite of my brother's paralyzed condition that I'd been seeing everyday & despite of what the doctor had said, I knew I had to believe that he will be healed. Of course I had fears, great fears, but I also know my brother's life lies in my faith. For according to my faith, it will be done. I chose to believe that God is His Healer.

My brother is now able to talk. Although he is still bedridden, but he is already regaining strength in his left leg & both arms. He is now even able to eat! The doctor said a miracle had happen! Praise God! I believe he will be able to get out of bed & walk very soon! My faith kept him alive!

To all my friends, have faith (despite of your fears)! For according to your faith, it will be done. & have big faith! Small faith = small miracle; big faith = big miracle! Why opt for small miracles when you know you can have big ones?

Psalm 63:7

My last holiday trip with my brother to date. I just realised I took a lot of pictures of him, but I didn't took together with him. Why?

He is closer to me than my father was to me. I know the person he loves the most in this world is me.

He would cook my favourite dishes every sunday when I go back to my mom's place. This is his way of loving me. It is the meal I looked forward to the most every week.

He don't smile a lot, but he always smiles to me.

"For You have been my help,
Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice."

Self vs Friendship

Today, I was faced in a situation where I had to choose between self versus friendship. I chose... the latter.

My friends were being accused today. I can choose to remain silent & be spared from being entrapped into a whirlpool of politics. But if I had chosen the former, what difference am I from the one who accuses my friends? I chose to stand up for my friends.

Some people said I’m courageous, some may think I’m stupid. Yes, there are times in my life when loyalty does not pay. But it feels good to be doing the right thing, to have a good conscience.

When we first got attached, I once asked James what was the factor in me that attracts him. His reply was, “loyalty”. I haven’t change & I don’t wish to change. The only difference is that I have learnt to be loyal to the right people.

No man’s an island.

No one can say that they don’t need friends. Because the day they realize they do, it is often too late.

Till Death Do Us Part

James is overseas again for his work, & as I think about him, I can't help counting...

We'd known each other for 8 years.
Our courtship didn't develop till 4 years later on 6 Feb 06.
We are married for 2.5 years on 23 Jun 07.

We started off as acquaintances. In the 1st year that we knew each other, we seldom talked & we are always with a big group of friends. I was quite attracted by him initially, because I thought he was physically attractive - he got a good body! ;) He also gave me the impression as a very nice & caring teacher in JAMs. However, our relationship didn't develop further beyond acquaintance, thus the attraction dies off. Soon, his friend came into my life & for the next few years, we remained as friends. At the same time, he also has someone else in mind. Over the next few years, we started hanging out together more, & gradually, he became one of my close friends too.

After my previous relationship didn't work out, we stopped hanging out together too. Both of us got very busy with our own lives. One year later, we started hanging out together again. This time, chemistry had developed unknowningly. When I first got to know him, I was a little girl still studying in NUS in his eyes. It was an impossible relationship to him. However, as we started hanging out again after so many years, I have already "grown up" & we enjoyed each other's company.

Yet, both of us had many hesistations in starting a relationship as we have so different personalities. It was our cell group leader, Lily, who encouraged us a lot & thus, we decided to give it a try. The beginning of the courtship was tough. We had many conflicts over our different personalities & perspectives. We had wanted to thrown in the towel. One night after another quarrel, he waited the whole night at my void deck just to apologise. I went down to see him only in the morning & I was really touched that he waited the whole night. That's how we decided to keep the relationship & work things out.

Our 1st date

Our 1st trip overseas - Genting

As the years goes by, both of us started to change unknowingly by each other's influence to be better people. I am now less judgemental & show more kindness to people. He has also become more decisive. Yet, we still remain different in many ways & I'm glad because our differences are now able to complement each other.

I'm the one who read the map; he's the one who ask for directions when my map reading fails. I'm the one who enjoy dresses Charis up & is always buying accessories & pretty clothes for her; he's the one who loves to shop around for toys for Charis & he even know which shopping department sells more varieties of toys. I take care of Charis' daily needs; he plays with her. In our spiritual lives, God speaks to me more often by His still soft voice; God speaks to him by His Word.

His SOT graduation in 2006

The planning for our marriage was a very memorable period in my life. It was also building fund period & James was in bible school then. We were financially broke, yet we trusted in God with faith that as we build His house, He will build us our house. I remembered tearing as we gave to the building fund. We have to time our bills so carefully with our little income, & to trust that He will not shortchange us for our wedding. It was a faith testing period for us, but God came true for us! Now, we have been blessed in our careers & are enjoying a comfortable standard of living. Yet, it is those faith testing times that I remember the most.

Our 1st honeymoon to USA

Our 1st Wedding Anniversary at Bintan Banyan Tree

Our first year of marriage was honeymoon period. We would often make time for dates & even went for a few honeymoon trips in a year! After about 1.5 years, we started to get so comfortable in our relationship that we somehow grew complacent. Our career & ministry also kept us busy. He's the one in this relationship that makes a lot of effort. He's always planning to bring me out to here & there :)

Our Diving Trip at Phuket

Our 5th overseas holiday to China

Today, our relationship is no longer the "sparks in the air" kind, but it is now more stable & mature. Of course I miss those sparks, because they keep the relationship exciting, but I also enjoy the gradual progress of our relationship maturing. We are now truly "2 flesh become 1".