I'm not nuts, just happy Charis is not having another sibling so soon ;)
My menses are usually very regular, so I got real worried when it was late by more than a week this month. I am totally not prepared to be have another baby so soon again, especially when I need to take care of my brother now. Imagine taking care of him with my heavy tummy... the risk on mine & baby's health because of our lower immune system while taking care of him... & most importantly... I want to give Charis at least 2 years of my full attention before another baby pop along so that I can spend quality time with her in her most crucial 0-2 years old stage.
Since I was worried I might be pregnant again, I tried convincing myself that another baby might be good... just to be positive you know? I was concerned that if I am negative, the foetus would be able to feel the rejection. After all, there's no accident in God's timing, especially when babies are God's precious. He already created us even before we were in our mothers' womb, so how can there ever be accidents right? :)
Anyway, I was convincing myself that since I'm still young & has the stamina to take care of the babies, might as well be real productive these few years, especially when my sister still can look after Charis for me. After 4 years, I can go full force in my career again. Rather than juggling between the baby & my job now, then 2 years later when I want to focus on my work, I'm pregnant again... so disruptive...
But nevertheless, when I know I am really not pregnant, I am still overjoyed! Hurray!!
