Sad Birthday

I was looking forward to my birthday the last few days. Birthdays to me bring new hopes & joy like a new year signifies.

But 3 hours before the clock strike 12 to my birthday, I received an extremely bad & grave news. What a way to spend my birthday losing sleep & feeling stressed.

I guessed this birthday is especially sad too because James is not around in Singapore & probably uncontactable from this morning onwards as he'll be offshore & there's no network coverage in the middle of the ocean. Him not being around means one less soulmate to pour out my burdens to.

I only have 1 birthday wish: That God will turn around things for my beloved friend & grant them favor & protection.

The Most Touching Wedding

- pics & story credited to a true story -

January 15, 2005.

21-year-old Katie Kirkpatrick — the girl “with a contagious smile and unrelenting optimism” who had been battling cancer for three years and even took part in champion cyclist Lance Armstrong’s Ride for the Roses cancer fundraiser — married 23 year-old Lapeer County sheriff’s deputy Nick Goodwin, her high school sweetheart and the love of her life, at Church of Christ in Hazel Park, Michigan.

This picture was taken prior to their wedding January 11th, 2005.
Katie has terminal cancer and spends hours in chemotherapy.
Here Nick awaits while she finishes one of the sessions...


Even in pain and dealing with her organs shutting down, with the help of morphine, Katie took care of every single part of the wedding planning.
Her dress had to be adjusted several times due to Katie 's constant weight loss.


An expected guest was her oxygen tank. Katie had to use it during the ceremony and reception.
The other couple in this picture is Nick's parents, very emotional with the wedding and to see their son marrying the girl he fell in love when he was an adolescent.


Katie , in a wheel chair listening to her husband and friends singing to her.


In the middle of the party, Katie had to rest for a bit and catch her breath.
The pain does not allow her to stand for long period of time.


Katie died 5 days after her wedding.

Nick said of the wedding and Katie’s passing:

It was wonderful. It was a dream come true. She was the most beautiful angel ever—just caring and selfless, and such an inspiration to everyone. She was always smiling no matter what happened, no matter what news she got. She was as close to perfect as they come.

Katie Kirkpatrick’s story reminds me of 1 Cor 13. Love never fails & it conquers all.

1st Family Overseas Trip - 3D2N BATAM

Since James was away for a whole month last month, we been pondering on a short getaway to spend some quality time together, a relaxing one given my pregnancy state. However, we decided to bring Charis along since we can't bear to leave her behind while we enjoy ourselves somewhere far away. We also asked my sisters along since it is no longer another honeymoon with Charis around anyway...

We stayed in Harris Resort - a family oriented resort with their own bowling alleys, big swimming pool, kids club, ktv, flying fox, bicycles & board games rental etc. But I love their staffs' service the most - warm, friendly & very helpful. However, the resort is located at such a ulu pandan place. Just to reach the town by car takes us half an hour...

Charis always love to go out (in her terms, its "gai gai"), so she was smiling, laughing & giggling the whole time for the 1st 2 days. My sisters even commented the person who enjoyed the most for this trip must definitely be her. The time we spend together also created an obvious closer bond although it was only 3 days.

I must say I am very pleased & even proud of her because she was very well-behaved (except for that few moments of mischiefs). For the city tour, she never made any noise throughout the whole day bus trip even though she was very tired. She just lie down on James' lap peacefully & even sat quietly with us throughout the meals. Many praised her for being such a good girl!

The drama (or trauma) happened on the last day in the return ferry trip. She finally gave in to her tiredness & she was very cranky in the ferry, crying for 3/4 of the ferry journey. Everyone was looking at us & I was so embarrassed, but there was just no way to quieten her down. Stressed... I guessed 2 days is her maximum limit for overseas trip & before that, we were even thinking of bringing her to Japan next year after I'd given birth.. Hopefully bieng older, she can cope better by then.

As for me, I was totally exhausted by the end of the 2nd day. One of my sisters was pick-pocketed (pls buy travel insurance whenever u travel), & we had to go through some hassles & "bribes" to make a police report. By the time we reached back the hotel, I was so exhausted that I vomited all my dinner & fell asleep straight once my head hit the bed.

I felt better when I woke up the next day, & it brightened my morning just to see Charis having fun at the baby pool. However I was so irritated with Charis in the ferry that it kind of affected my mood & made me even more tired. I guessed things would be better if I am not pregnant, as it means I will be less tired & more patient.

But despite of all the discomfort & tiredness, it was most rewarding to see Charis enjoying herself so much. I guessed that's always in a parent's heart - just to see their child smile.

Whom Jesus Loves

James, being in Brunei for the past one month & for the next coming month, may not be with me now, but nevertheless, I know that my Jesus is with me.

When I feel so exhausted, sick, & uncomfortable, He is with me.

When I feel so lonely & restless, He is with me.

When I just want to talk to somebody & there's no one, He is with me.

When I get emotional because of my pregnancy hormones, He is with me.

When I feel so helpless taking care of Charis alone, He is with me.

Jesus loves me, calls me His own.
Jesus loves me, He makes me whole.
Jesus loves me, heart overflows.
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Families' Birthday

In one weekend, we celebrated my brother's birthday at home & my neice 21st birthday at her chalet! Wow, eventful!

It had been a blessing to celebrate his birthday after an eventful year, & even though many things had changed in his life, I thank God for every of his single day & there'll be more birthdays to come till we're old.

My family had always been a close knited one, & I love & treasure every one of them.

A PRIVILEGE to Serve

Something's been bothering me for months... & that's about returning to JAMs to serve. It has not been easy to do that anymore since I had Charis. My sister can't take care of Charis on Saturdays morning so either James or me had to stay home to look after her while one of us serve. So far, security team seems to need him more than my busing needs as Rebecca had been doing such a great job, so it had been me that's staying home on Saturdays morning while he serves.

Finally, we did some sacrificial arrangement by me forgoing work on one of the weekdays to take care of Charis in order to "compensate" my sister for taking care of Charis on Saturday instead. Of course, it is not such a smooth negotiation since weekends are precious break for her since she can finally go out with her children on that day.

We were so excited that I even announced to Pst Lily, Adiel & Rebecca about it... but then complications arises recently again...

I used to take serving in a ministry for granted, but now that I am not able to serve, I realised that serving is a PRIVILEGE. I used to complain about those hours I had to put in, those sacrifices I had to make, those clients & income I had to "forgo" in order to have more time to serve, those unappreciative moments, etc. Now that I don't have to sacrifice anything, I don't have anything to complain anymore, but I am not happier either.

I miss my bus N11. I missed my students whom I always call them my children, especially the girls, William & Jason.

I miss standing at the sound console, playing & fixing the sound.

I miss seeing the students stream into the hall, all excited & full of smiles.

I miss the them coming up to me & shake my hands & say hi & bye to me.

I miss them cheering for their friends during games time.

I miss watching them praising & worshiping God.

I even miss the object lesson which I seldom pay any attention to.

Almost every time after James come back from JAMs, he would update me about the service & my students. This was our way of helping me "stay in touch". When he tell me that they had a very good worship session & God's presence was very strong, I would wish I was there too.

Indeed, being able to serve is a PRIVILEGE.

It was such a yearning within me, but all I could do was to cry out to God to make a way out for me to serve. In the past, I would have thought it was crazy to be so desperate to serve that I would even cry about it in my quiet time with God. I used to look forward to the day when I can finally take a "break" from serving, but now I am looking forward to take a "break" from my ministry leave instead. What an impact JAMs have made in my life subconsiously all these years that this ministry has so become such a part of my life now.

I understand that there are seasons in our life when we need to priortise certain things at certain moments. But isn't it wonderful if every seasons we can have the capacity to still meet those priorities & serve at the same time? I don't have this capacity yet, but I pray that one day I will have it, & I'm learning to take a step of faith towards that.

Grace

Roller Coaster Days

Although it should have been a priority to visit Dr Woo, we were just so busy that we only managed to squeeze in some time to visit to him yesterday. & well, ... I'm 7 weeks pregnant! :)

My emotions this time were totally different from my 1st pregnancy. When I 1st knew about my 1st pregnancy, I was overwhelmed with the reality of the sudden responsiblity, change in lifestyle, & sense of helplessness that I felt even more burdened than joyous about it. It took me a few months before I finally settled down & felt excited at being a new mummy. This time, being an experienced pregnant mummy, I am more prepared to welcome the new baby, & I am actually looking forward to the experience of looking after a new born again!

Yes, I must be crazy... because it would mean sleepless nights with 3-4 night feeds, painful & tiring breastfeeding, more piles of dirty laundry, crying baby, even lesser or minimal personal time, etc. But these sacrifices are all worth it when I think of the little one.

My previous pregnancy was actually quite tough with all the medical condition, but the worst memory was the endless vomiting. For most, its morning sickness. For me, it should be called ALL-DAY sickness! I vomit whatever minimal food I take & the feeling of vomiting is gross & extremely uncomfortable. I remembered I'll tear sometimes as I vomit.

So I told myself this time, I am going to confess positively. I am not going to vomit. I will not be emotional (I was handling my emotions very well for my 1st pregnancy). I will not feel tired, but I will be energetic. The baby or me will not have any medical condition. I will not have swollen feets & hands. I will still be able to work effectively in my work. I will be a pretty pregnant mummy.

But today, I'm feeling a little different. In fact, so different from yesterday. I am soOoOoOo tired! The pregnancy hormones are starting to get active & it makes me lethargic & sleepy. After sending James off to the airport this morning, I am supposed to attend a training from 1-5pm. I'd reached office, but skipped the training when I could hardly think straight anymore. I slept all the way on the bus journey home, something I rarely done. Once I reached home, I slept from 130pm all the way to 430pm! & I still feel tired!

Then I began to worry about taking care of Charis alone in my current state for this weekend. What if I'm so tired that I can KO anytime & she still refuse to sleep early? Can I cope emotionally & physically with her? Do I have the patience to? It must be the change in hormones again, because I started to tear as I felt so helpless.

So talking about all those positive confessions... its gonna take some time...

Farewell Zhen!

My friend, Lizhen, left to pursue her studies overseas this morning. There are some people who "leave" your life temporary & you'll never miss their presence, but there are some who may leave for even a short time & they'll leave a "gap". Zhen belongs to the latter.

She cares for the people around her, and always offer them kind words. We weren't very close friends, but she made the effort to visit my brother in hospital. She had been a friend not just in word, but in deed.

She has been the birthday coordinator for my cell group for so many donkey years, but she never once complained about her job description nor did she ever grow sick of doing it. That's her "faithful in little things" attitude.

In JAMs, she remains a faithful worker, but more than that, it's her love & passion for the students that makes her unique. Over the years, I have seen many workers grown weary or burnt out from serving in the ministry. To "recuperate/recharge", many took ministry leave, but many also did not return. I remembered she also took a break some years ago, but not only did she return, she came back with power! Being dedicated to organizing a dance party event, she impressed me with her eye for details.

She has a gentle spirit, yet she is spirited & passionate about the things she does. She is not just a physiotherapist to her clients, but also a friend to them. Today, she has left to pursue a Masters in Physiotherapy, and I believe with her passion, she will soar far in her career.

Farewell Zhen, you will be missed by many! & see you next year!

Universal Studios, Singapore

We gotten 2 free tickets to Universal Studios, Singapore, so off we went!

For those who had been to the one in Hollywood, USA, well, this Universal Studios pales off in comparison (big time!). If not for all those waiting time queuing for the rides, we'll probably finish the theme park in less than 1.5 hrs! Yes, that's how incredibly small the park is. Or for those who can't even be bothered to stroll slowly & enjoy the "scenic landscape", you'll probably finish walking the whole of the theme park in 30 mins!

Reasons why I really don't like Singapore so-awaited, famously talked-about, theme park:

1. The theme park like I said earlier, is just so small in size, which translates to limited themes & rides in the park.

2. There were many rides still closed due to work in progress.
I never even gotten to sit in the infamous roller coaster because it was still uncompleted!!! Why then did the organizer even bother to open the theme park when it is still so un...completed???!!! Almost all the rides in Jurassic Park Theme Park even failed or broke down at one point... Felt so cheated because the not-so-cheap tickets should at least entitle me to ALL the rides!

3. The crowd size was crazily huge!!!
I thought there's a controlled number of tickets issued per day, so the crowd shouldn't be too bad... but I was SoOoOo wrong! It's P.E.O.P.L.E everywhere we go!!! We ended up spending at least 30 mins queuing for most rides, & the worst was the Jurassic Park ride, which we wasted 2.5hrs queuing! They should change their name to Universal Studios Queue Park!

In States, there was no need for ticket control, but the crowd size was still manageable. So has Singapore's ticket control system failed? Or were Singapore's Universal Studios too ambitious (or less politely & frankly, "greedy")?

My friends commented after seeing our photos taken in States that we seem to own the whole Universal Studios because there was just the 2 of us everywhere we took photos. In Singapore, we tried to take pictures with the icons in the theme park, but instead, we had people "appearing" in most of the photo backgrounds... how irritating!

I am sure by now you will be able to judge which of the below 3 pictures were taken in States & in Singapore. Hint: 1 in States, 2 in Singapore.

4. There were only a pitiful 6 Universal Studios Characters or mascots that day.
We saw at least 13 in Universal Studios, Hollywood.

I was also totally soaked, drenched, & dripping with water from a ride in Jurassic Park. The ride was quite fun (despite me queuing 2.5hrs for it), & I don't really mind getting wet, but I was really so wet that my clothes could never gotten dry even when I reached home 6 hours later at night. As a result... I caught a cold that lasted for the next few days.

Is Universal Studios, Singapore, really so bad? Well, maybe that's because I'd been to the one in Hollywood, & thus, I went this time with some expectations, but Singapore's standard had disappoint me greatly. James says I should try to manage my expecations. After all, Singapore's theme park is constrained by the island's size, hence the rides & parks are constrained equally. We're also paying $110/pax in States, while it only cost $70+ per ticket here. As the Chinese saying goes, "yi fen qian, yi fen huo".

But by the end of the day after queuing for that 2.5hrs ride, he changed his mind totally. He said the theme park tickets should only be worth $20+ at most. See, even a patient man loses his patience in Singapore's infamous theme park...

Unfailing Love - Chris Tomlin

I was doing my admin work with some music videos playing on my laptop in the background. As the playlist comes to this song, the presence of God came into my study room. Although I had downloaded it, I never had time to listen to it till today. I teared as God reminded me of the past one year. I teared as I felt His love so strong in the room. I teared as I looked back & remembered His unfailing love.

Ris in YOG Cheer??!!

Does she loves Singapore so much that she doesn't mind being a laughing stock? But hey, wait Ris! I mind other people laughing about my country when they sees this online.

Dream List

Dream list:

1. Watch Eclipse.
Ok, the movie's probably going to end its debut soon.

2. Buy the movie cover book of Eclipse.
I have been collecting the past movie cover book of the Twilight series, but I haven't managed to buy the one on Eclipse yet. So far, those I saw in major bookstores are the original book cover version - not what I'm collecting. If I still don't manage to get it soon, they will run out of publication once the movie stops its debut.

3. To present my 3rd wedding anniversary gift to James - scuba diving trip at Rendang.
It is almost past one month due, but he hasn't had time to claim his gift yet.

4. Catch up with Vanessa & celebrate a very beLATEd birthday with her.
Still trying to squeeze time.

5. One full day just rotting without work & Charis.
Possible but very hard.

We always starts with wants. But with time...

Wants becomes hopes...
(That's why we say fat hopes.)

Hopes become wishes...
(Wishes are so rare & precious that they will probably only come true during your birthday.)

Wishes become dreams...
(They become almost extinct that you can only dream on.)

H.U.M.A.N.L.Y. Beautiful

Now that I'm a mummy, I find my time so stretched. Have to juggle work, spending time with Charis & hubby, visit in-laws & mummy, attend church cell group meeting & service, do housework, sleep, etc.

My secret in being able to squeeze them in a fixed short 24 hours day:
1. Skip meals, especially breakfast & lunch
2. Sleep late & wake up early
3. Wake up in the middle of the night to work
4. Being accepting of eye bags & dark eye rings
5. Accumulating housework
6. Sacrifice tea breaks, shopping, tv, movies, etc.

A few days back, some children were playing along the corridor at my lift lobby. Without wearing any make up, I approached the lift lobby to go down to the coffee shop to buy lunch.

One of the kids saw me. He immediately u-turn & ran back to his friends screaming... "ZOMBIE"!!!

...

"Z.O.M.B.I.E."???!!! Argh!!!

Self-esteem crashed!

Big time!!!

I still want to look like 18 years old! Ok, I know that’s not possible, but at least age with grace?

I must retain this look...

...This look before I am married... This look before I am a mummy... People says that a woman stopped looking good after marriage because she stopped bothering to dress up anymore since she's hitched. And when the kids come along, she gets promoted from a hag to an old hag.

I am still a vain pot. I still like to look good. I still like to wear nice clothes, nice shoes, nice makeup & carry nice bags. But I must not be lazy.

I need to soak myself with facial masks, eye gels, serum, moisturer, SK-II & continue the ritual of eating bird nest which I have stopped for the past 11 months. I need to learn to be faithful in even such little things.

I like Twilight, but it doesn't mean I want to be one of them. The last time I checked, James is not Edward. I don't need to turn myself into a zombie.

I want to be human.

Humanly beautiful.