My Rock!

It was our 3rd Wedding Anniversary on 23rd June 2010.

In my earlier post on 27 Oct 09, Till Death Do Us Part, I shared about our love story - how we knew each other, how our relationship progressed & how our relationship has mature and change over the years.

As our relationship matures, so had many other things change, e.g. family values, financial commitments, lifestyles. But one thing never change, and that is the unwavering love & support James has for me.

The past one year was a very tough period in my life. In the past entries of my blog, I had shared about my pregnancy complications, post-natal blues, & my brother's medical condition. All these happened one right after another, never offering me the luxury of time to "cool down" & "get over" them. As strong as I appeared to be, unknowingly to everyone, there was a period of time I did broke down.

When my brother fell very critically ill, 3 of my siblings & I would take turns keeping vigilance at my brother's bed 24-7 for about 3 weeks. Some days, I spent a straight 12-18 hours there. James would stay with me at the hospital, even if it meant night shifts for us in an extremely cold ward & sitting still for the whole night on a hard chair besides the bed. Every day, we reached home exhausted, physically & emotionally drained.

I was like a zombie once I reached home. I would head straight to the sofa, lie down there & cry & cry & cry. Sometimes, I cried until there's no more tears & I finally dozed off on the sofa. As always, he would be the "quiet rock" in my life. He would just sit quietly besides me & wait - to carry me to bed after I had dozed off.

He stood in the gap for both our own & extended family. He ran the errands my extended family needed.

He took care of Charis & was both daddy & "mummy" to her when I was too tired to take care of her, spend time with her & played with her then.

I was incapable of working or even performing simple household chores. He took on the role of "Maria" uncomplaining.

As I was emotionally burnt-out, I would throw my temper at him for the simplest things (or "mistakes") my mother-in-law did. And he simply took it all without throwing them back at me when he so undeserves it.

This "rock" didn't wavers in his love for me.

This "rock" held my family together.

I love this "rock" for simply being "rock".

A Tribute to My 2 Great Leaders!!!

This is such an outdated post... I had been wanting to write this post long time ago, especially spurned by Pastor Lily being confered to a Pastor. But I lost my laptop & was "laptop-less" for about 2 weeks. So finally, here's a tribute to my 2 greatest leaders!!!

There are 2 leaders who impacted my life greatly. Pastor Aries is a spiritual "father", while Pastor Lily is a best friend I can always depend on.

I remember those days when I will sit beside Pastor Aries in his church office desk every Friday, helping him with simple administrative work & having personal bible study afterwards. He spent a great deal disciplining me, investing time & effort into my life.We can just sit anywhere in a public place & right there & then, he will speak into my life, and those embarrassing moments when I was so childlike that I will even tear (or sometimes even cry) in public because of his words of wisdom & care & concern.

10 years ago, I had some disappointments in our friendship due to some misunderstandings. Some of the cell group members had tried to sown discord because of their bitterness & I had listened to them foolishly. I drifted away from our friendship then, but he never gave up on our friendship despite my cold & childish treatment. He continued to love me unconditionally, & show me a father's love when my dad had passed away. Friends around me would often tell me how much he loves me. When I knew that he kept each & every of the cards (I wrote lots of cards & letters to him) I had written to him, & he would take them out to read often to encourage himself, I knew I was wrong about him. We reconciled back our friendship, & he became even more my trusted friend & earthly "father".

We had gone through tough times together. I was the cell group helper of N11, & cell group was doing so badly that there was only one member who turned up for cell group meeting -- & that was me! He could have just cancelled the meeting but he didn't because he believed that each & every meeting was a commitment to God. He was smiling throughout the meeting while I was tearing even during praise & word. He taught me a valuable lesson that day - to continue to be positive & smile at the storm. I was so discouraged that I was all ready to give up on the members & quit being a helper. But he refused to give up on me & them & he taught me how to reach out to them by investing in their lives the same way he had invested in mine. Most of those who didn't turn out for that meeting that day are now serving God actively in church. Many of them had became my close friends because he had taught me the important principle of investing in their lives.

He was the one who built up my spiritual foundation. Through all those time that he invested in me & gave me so much personal bible study that when I met many crisis in my life later, I could still hold on to my faith & smile at the storm. He had built everlasting fruits in his life.

My friendship with Pastor Lily started unusually. For the 1st 3 years that I known her, we were never close. We seldom talked outside of ministry & I only knew her as my ex-boyfriend's boss who's fierce & unapproachable & not approving of our relationship. I had my reservations towards her then since she had her reservations about me & my ex-boyfriend. 5 years ago, there was a big saga caused by my ex-boyfriend & he was making false accusations of Pastor Lily to me. Of course,being naive, I supported & believed in him since he was my boyfriend then & I hardly knew Pastor Lily then.

I will always remember that on a Tuesday after Easter week in year 2005, Pastor Derek called me into his office & broke the truth to me about my ex-boyfriend. Pastor Eileen & Pastor Tan also counseled me afterwards. I finally knew who was really the "bad" guy & who was really the "good" one. I finally understood that her reservations were out of love & protection for me. My heart was so shattered. I can't explain why but of all people, I just called Pastor Lily to see if I could see her in her office (then LifeWorks). I immediately boarded a cab to find her. She stopped all her work, just sat down with me while I kept crying. She didn't say much, but that was enough. That day marks the beginning of our friendship.

That year was very difficult for me, but she was constantly there for me. Her love & encouragements helped me walk through that dark period. I would have easily wallowed in self-pity, but she didn't gave me any chance to. Despite of the crisis I was going through, she would get me to lead prayer meetings every Saturdays, to give 3 bible studies weekly, & to serve even more actively in e ministry. Because she gave me so many chances to engage with God & into the lives of others, I was watered as well when I watered others. She taught me to live beyond my crisis.

She was also the one who "matchmake" James & me. We held a lot of reservations about starting a relationship with each other, & she is the one who told us to "go out on dates & try". Well, we tried, & we just celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary yesterday! During our courtship years, we had our ups & downs, & she would conselled us & reconciled our differences. She was our wedding coordinator despite being so heavily pregnant with Aden then & that held a lot of meaning for our big day. She "gave" me a good husband, & in turn, a wonderful family.

When my brother was disabled last year, she visited us despite her busy big day church events. She fought for financial help for my brother's medical bill from CHCSA, & that meant a great deal to my family.

When she was conferred Pastor by Dr Yonggi Cho in Asia Conference last month, I sheded tears of joys in the service, even in the midst of praise of worship. I left Charis alone in church nursery (after much pleas & appeal to the nursery workers) for the first time in church because I want to be there in that service to witness her promotion & to cheer for her. She truly deserves this promotion -- not from man, but by God!

All these years, I had probably shared more secrets with her than anyone else besides James. I know I can always trust in her. She had been a rock in my life -- unwavering & always there for me.

Sentosa - Not meant for the old & disabled

Sentosa is a special place to us -- it was the first dating place of James & me, where he proposed, & also where my family had our 1st family outing since my brother became disabled.

I had some free tickets to the Images of Singapore & the Segway Ride, so we wanted to take this opportunity to bring my brother out. It was our 1st family outing in the past 10 months since he became disabled, so it was a big hype for all of us!

On the 1st Sunday of this month, we had a pinic at the beach in the morning, but the weather was crazily hot, leaving everyone flustered & wet with perspiration. James, being positive as always, told me, "Just be glad it isn't raining." Ok, I decided to be positive & stopped my complaints while he's dripping wet with his perspiration.

At the beach, I saw my brother tearing when he thought no one is watching him. I know it isn't easy for him to watch us running around while he's stuck in the wheelchair. But i know that someday he will run too. Someday will come -- soon!

About noon, we headed off to the Beach train station to take the train to Imbiah to reach Images of Singapore. To our horror, we realised the entire place is not wheelchair friendly at all. There are no lifts from the basement of the station to the train station -- only stairs & escalators!! The only way to go up the station is for James to push the wheelchair up a steep slope along the main road (not forgetting the cars driving along the same road)!

Finally we reached Imbiah Station, with James tshirt totally drenched. The next horror greets us -- there are only stairs & escalators again to the Images of Singapore from the station -- not even a slope in sight this time. Everyone was disappointed & I could tell my brother was hiding his sadness. So my sister suggested that we go to Resorts World instead. After all, the most popular tourist attraction & Singapore's pride must have such wheelchair facilities right?

Guess what? All the lifts in Resorts World were under maintenance except for the one leading down to the casino. Of course, they'll make sure that the particular lift is working right? Just imagine the loss in government's revenue if visitors could not access the casino.

We left the island by early afternoon because we seriously doubt the rest of the island are wheelchair accessible as well. It was a highly anticipated but disappointing excursion because we didn't realise that Sentosa are not meant for the elderly & disabled. I never realised the importance of having our public places or even tourist spots being wheelchair friendly until this trip, but I believe STB or URA should have been aware of such problems long time ago. Maybe some of the taxes that I pay dutifully every year can be chanelled to such good causes in future?

Well, I still have the untilised tickets to Images of Singapore & Segway Ride. Those healthy abled-bodied siblings of mine decided we shouldn't waste them, hence we made another trip down to Sentosa last Saturday.

Segway Ride was pretty interesting. The Segway Personal Transportator (PT) is a self-balancing transportation device that sports high tech gyroscopes which automatically responds to your body's movements, "sensing" when it should speed up, slow down, stop, & even turn right or left. It costs $12/pax for a 10 mins ride in the circuit, & $38/pax for riding 30 mins along the beach. We were only entitled to the circuit ride, but maybe next time we will try the beach ride. Seems pretty adventurous.

The last time I was inside Image of Singapore was 14 years ago, & yet none of the exhibits have changed. Either STB lacked innovation or they are still trying too hard to "preserve" Singapore's musuem. The place is not just wheelchair unfriendly, but it is also baby pram unfriendly. We had to leave Charis' pram outside the museum because there were simply too many flights of stairs inside. Maybe the elderly, handiccaped & even young children are not meant to understand more about Singapore history?

We brought Charis & my nephew to Toys' R Us at Vivocity afterwards, & she enjoyed the place even more. Once she entered the main entrance, she just kept jumping in my arms for joy, & she was smiling & laughing the whole time inside.

Sentosa no longer holds the same meaning in my heart...