Ris in YOG Cheer??!!

Does she loves Singapore so much that she doesn't mind being a laughing stock? But hey, wait Ris! I mind other people laughing about my country when they sees this online.

Dream List

Dream list:

1. Watch Eclipse.
Ok, the movie's probably going to end its debut soon.

2. Buy the movie cover book of Eclipse.
I have been collecting the past movie cover book of the Twilight series, but I haven't managed to buy the one on Eclipse yet. So far, those I saw in major bookstores are the original book cover version - not what I'm collecting. If I still don't manage to get it soon, they will run out of publication once the movie stops its debut.

3. To present my 3rd wedding anniversary gift to James - scuba diving trip at Rendang.
It is almost past one month due, but he hasn't had time to claim his gift yet.

4. Catch up with Vanessa & celebrate a very beLATEd birthday with her.
Still trying to squeeze time.

5. One full day just rotting without work & Charis.
Possible but very hard.

We always starts with wants. But with time...

Wants becomes hopes...
(That's why we say fat hopes.)

Hopes become wishes...
(Wishes are so rare & precious that they will probably only come true during your birthday.)

Wishes become dreams...
(They become almost extinct that you can only dream on.)

H.U.M.A.N.L.Y. Beautiful

Now that I'm a mummy, I find my time so stretched. Have to juggle work, spending time with Charis & hubby, visit in-laws & mummy, attend church cell group meeting & service, do housework, sleep, etc.

My secret in being able to squeeze them in a fixed short 24 hours day:
1. Skip meals, especially breakfast & lunch
2. Sleep late & wake up early
3. Wake up in the middle of the night to work
4. Being accepting of eye bags & dark eye rings
5. Accumulating housework
6. Sacrifice tea breaks, shopping, tv, movies, etc.

A few days back, some children were playing along the corridor at my lift lobby. Without wearing any make up, I approached the lift lobby to go down to the coffee shop to buy lunch.

One of the kids saw me. He immediately u-turn & ran back to his friends screaming... "ZOMBIE"!!!

...

"Z.O.M.B.I.E."???!!! Argh!!!

Self-esteem crashed!

Big time!!!

I still want to look like 18 years old! Ok, I know that’s not possible, but at least age with grace?

I must retain this look...

...This look before I am married... This look before I am a mummy... People says that a woman stopped looking good after marriage because she stopped bothering to dress up anymore since she's hitched. And when the kids come along, she gets promoted from a hag to an old hag.

I am still a vain pot. I still like to look good. I still like to wear nice clothes, nice shoes, nice makeup & carry nice bags. But I must not be lazy.

I need to soak myself with facial masks, eye gels, serum, moisturer, SK-II & continue the ritual of eating bird nest which I have stopped for the past 11 months. I need to learn to be faithful in even such little things.

I like Twilight, but it doesn't mean I want to be one of them. The last time I checked, James is not Edward. I don't need to turn myself into a zombie.

I want to be human.

Humanly beautiful.

The Grace of God

Many people asked me why I named my baby girl "Charis" & what does it mean? When I was pregnant, we chose that name without qualms. "Charis" means "God's grace" in Greek. Not only was she a gift from God, but she had been born with God's grace over her & our lives.

2 doctors we consulted told me that I would have difficulty conceiving. Even if I managed to conceive, there would be a high chance of miscarriage.

Months later, I was pregnant. There was no miscarriage, & Charis was born.

In my earlier blog entries shared during my pregnancy, Charis did have some medical complications as a foetus. I had to rely on medication to stabilize her & help her to grow in my womb. It wasn't a smooth nor easy pregnancy.

She had to be born prematurely at 35 weeks by induced labour due to her medical condition. Not only was she not growing, but the water level in my womb was also declining rapidly at a dangerous rate towards the 7th month of my pregnancy term.

She hasn't grow well inside of me due to her medical condition. Thus when she was born, she was sooOoOo small. Weighing only 2.4kg, everyone would comment upon seeing her, "She's so small! She's the tiniest baby I'd ever seen!" etc. Our friends even took pictures of her with an iPhone placed besides her because even an iPhone was bigger than her face! She was just so small.

However, after all that we had been through, we are just thankful that she was born - alive & kicking, no matter how small she was.

The 1st day she was born, the hospital did a hearing test on her. She failed. The doctor said her hearing wasn't probably fully developed since she was born prematurely. Will she remain deaf for the rest of her life? Probably & likely.

We were sad, but we remained thankful to God for her. One month later, we did the hearing test again. She passed!

Today, she is still a "mini-baby". I call her my cheeky "xiao bu dian". But she is a healthy baby who's growing well with no medical issues. When friends see her, they now comment, "She used to be so tiny, but now she's growing so well already!"

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb." Ps 139:13

Isn't God's words so true? He's the one who formed us in our mother's womb. He crafted us individually & personally. The Bible says He even knows the number of hair we have on our head.

When we go through difficulties & storms in our lives, we may be pulling our hair out, but He still knows the number of hair that remains on our head. Not only had He counted them while in our mother's womb, but He is constantly counting them, even right now.

Because every hair matters to Him. Every event, every hurt, every pain & sorrow, every tear matters.

If God had known Charis & loves her even when she has no "form" in my womb, how much more would He loves us whom He knew for an even longer time? How much more would He loves us whom He has a relationship with & whom He calls His "child"?

Recently, because of all the bad press surrounding my church, some asked me, "do you still believe in your church?" The answer is, "I do."

I had experienced God in this very church - City Harvest Church. It is where I had witnessed miracles born out of God's love & grace. How could I doubt it every time I see Charis? She is God's living proof & testimony to me that He is alive & moving in this church.