Mixed Feelings...

My 1 month confinement is gonna be over in another 3 days... which also means I gonna start work soon :'( A lot of people told me to rest longer, and I wish as much too... but at the back of my mind is always the career benefit. I gotta clear my career benefit target by end of November.

Honestly, I wish I don't have to start work so soon so that I can spend more time with Charis. Yet, on the other hand, although work is stressful, I do look forward to it too. You hardly meet people who look forward to working right? I look forward to it because I want to clear my career benefit target faster to set my heart at ease earlier. Another motivation is also my bunch of wonderful colleagues! :)

I don't know if I can adapt to working life & being a mother... There's a lot of issues at the back of my mind... eg. how many night appointments should I have weekly so that I can still spend time with Charis? How should I plan my work schedule? Do I leave her over the night at my sister's house or should I bring her home? If I bring her home over the night, will James be too tired to work the next day? Can I cope taking care of Charis alone the next day when James is not around? So many questions... I'll just have to take one step at a time...

Also, my sister can't take care of Charis in the weekends, so now James & me have to think hard how to attend church service & serve in JAMs too. We wanted to bring her to JAMs so that both of us can still serve, but Joli advised us not to. She said one of the students hit a newcomer's baby recently & had to go to the hospital for a head scan... better don't risk it... But we'll definitely bring her to JAMs when she's older because we want her to know that there's such a special group of people around her, & we want to teach her to love & serve them even when she's young. That's why we named her "Charis". God does not depise our youth, & I believe she can help in her little ways too. "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!" We wanted to bring her to church service too, but many advised us against it until she's at least 3 months old... Hmm... we'll have to pray hard for creative solutions... I haven't been attending service because of my confinement & I missed the presence of God.