I was actually suffering from post-natal depression a few weeks ago. My life has changed dramatically, & even though I'd been preparing myself for it, mental preparation & reality seems so different. I would cry every night to sleep, & I would wake up in the middle of the night to cry again. My appetite went down. I was not eating & sleeping well. Being physically drained, it affected my emotions even more.
First of all, I was not able to accept Charis. Yes, it sounds weird, but I just cannot register that she is really my daughter. For some strange reason, I just don't feel bonded to her. It made me felt lousy as a mummy.
Secondly, I was having so many problems with feeding Charis. At first, the stress was that she wouldn't latch on for breastfeeding & I have so little breast milk for her too. When finally, she is willing & able to latch on, my nipples became so sore at her suckling that it was so painful I can't even get to sleep at night. Also, breastfeeding keeps you busy every 2 hours, so there was hardly enough rest for me.
Thirdly, there was those typical issues with mother-in-law. The different methods of taking care of babies, the imposing of personal space, over-anxious over Charis & the endless nags... etc. I was so affected that I would lock myself in my room whenever she's here to avoid her. Cropping myself up in the room made me felt like a prisoner. As if confinement in the house wasn't bad enough, now I'm feeling confined in my own room as well.
Fourthly & interestingly, I actually felt jealous when James pay so much more attention to Charis, his parents , & even the house chores! I needed his support then, but somehow he always seems so busy with other things except spending time with me. I was so mad at him! Yet he was doing so much as a daddy that it made me feel even more guilty for feeling jealous even over our precious daughter. Now thinking back, I can laugh at myself for being so silly! Haha!
Lastly, some of the confinement practices were driving me crazy. Not bathing everyday increases my body temperature. When I feel hot, i get more frustrated. When I don't smell nice, I don't feel nice! Also, coping myself at home & not being able to go out made me feels like a prisoner.
In case you are thinking that they were all petty issues, yes, I now agree that you are right! I guessed it was my hormones readjusting after birth that's causing all those blues & making me touchy & sensitive. During that period of time, I refused to share with James because I know it would sounds so silly to him. So keeping everything to myself worsen it.
2 weeks ago, I broke down & finally told James everything. Sharing creates wonders. I came out of depression overnight!
Lessons I have learnt the hard way & tips for new mums-to-be:
1. Spend time with your baby by carrying them, massaging them, & touching them even when they are sleeping most of the time. Touch creates bonding. But don't expect the bond to happen overnight. Babies are like adults - you need to take time to create mutual bonding & trust.
2. Don't give yourself too much pressure over breastfeeding. Ask your hubby to help you latch on the baby. His presence is a form of support. Take a day break from breastfeeding if necessary when you find that you cannot cope with breastfeeding issues. Rest well to recuperate. Insufficient rest & stress can cause significant decrease in milk flow.
3. Talk to your hubby over any in-laws issues. Don't bottled them up because it will not just affect your future relationship with your in-laws, but also your marriage. Bear in mind that your in-laws love your baby & they did everything out of that love & good intention even though you may not agree with them.
4. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to tell your hubby if you need his attention. Nothing sounds silly to him & he will be more than happy to spend time with you. After our talk, we went out on a few occasions to spend private time together. This was the very hand that held mine as we walk down the aisle together on our wedding day, & the same hand will still hold mine till death do us part.
5. Break the confinement practice if need be. Besides being physically healthy, staying emotionally healthy is as important because you got a long way ahead of you. Being emotionally unhealthy is dangerous because you are carrying a time bomb inside you which may break down your marriage & life. I went out for some fresh air even if it is just to the neighborhood mall. You need to be away from your baby & the pressure at home at times. Do wear long sleeve & pants to minimise exposure to wind. I bathe frequently towards the middle of the confinement too. It made me feels fresher. A warm bath can calm & relax you. Do bathe with herbal water to prevent rheumatism.
A happy mummy = a happy baby & hubby = a happy family
First of all, I was not able to accept Charis. Yes, it sounds weird, but I just cannot register that she is really my daughter. For some strange reason, I just don't feel bonded to her. It made me felt lousy as a mummy.
Secondly, I was having so many problems with feeding Charis. At first, the stress was that she wouldn't latch on for breastfeeding & I have so little breast milk for her too. When finally, she is willing & able to latch on, my nipples became so sore at her suckling that it was so painful I can't even get to sleep at night. Also, breastfeeding keeps you busy every 2 hours, so there was hardly enough rest for me.
Thirdly, there was those typical issues with mother-in-law. The different methods of taking care of babies, the imposing of personal space, over-anxious over Charis & the endless nags... etc. I was so affected that I would lock myself in my room whenever she's here to avoid her. Cropping myself up in the room made me felt like a prisoner. As if confinement in the house wasn't bad enough, now I'm feeling confined in my own room as well.
Fourthly & interestingly, I actually felt jealous when James pay so much more attention to Charis, his parents , & even the house chores! I needed his support then, but somehow he always seems so busy with other things except spending time with me. I was so mad at him! Yet he was doing so much as a daddy that it made me feel even more guilty for feeling jealous even over our precious daughter. Now thinking back, I can laugh at myself for being so silly! Haha!
Lastly, some of the confinement practices were driving me crazy. Not bathing everyday increases my body temperature. When I feel hot, i get more frustrated. When I don't smell nice, I don't feel nice! Also, coping myself at home & not being able to go out made me feels like a prisoner.
In case you are thinking that they were all petty issues, yes, I now agree that you are right! I guessed it was my hormones readjusting after birth that's causing all those blues & making me touchy & sensitive. During that period of time, I refused to share with James because I know it would sounds so silly to him. So keeping everything to myself worsen it.
2 weeks ago, I broke down & finally told James everything. Sharing creates wonders. I came out of depression overnight!
Lessons I have learnt the hard way & tips for new mums-to-be:
1. Spend time with your baby by carrying them, massaging them, & touching them even when they are sleeping most of the time. Touch creates bonding. But don't expect the bond to happen overnight. Babies are like adults - you need to take time to create mutual bonding & trust.2. Don't give yourself too much pressure over breastfeeding. Ask your hubby to help you latch on the baby. His presence is a form of support. Take a day break from breastfeeding if necessary when you find that you cannot cope with breastfeeding issues. Rest well to recuperate. Insufficient rest & stress can cause significant decrease in milk flow.
3. Talk to your hubby over any in-laws issues. Don't bottled them up because it will not just affect your future relationship with your in-laws, but also your marriage. Bear in mind that your in-laws love your baby & they did everything out of that love & good intention even though you may not agree with them.
4. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to tell your hubby if you need his attention. Nothing sounds silly to him & he will be more than happy to spend time with you. After our talk, we went out on a few occasions to spend private time together. This was the very hand that held mine as we walk down the aisle together on our wedding day, & the same hand will still hold mine till death do us part.5. Break the confinement practice if need be. Besides being physically healthy, staying emotionally healthy is as important because you got a long way ahead of you. Being emotionally unhealthy is dangerous because you are carrying a time bomb inside you which may break down your marriage & life. I went out for some fresh air even if it is just to the neighborhood mall. You need to be away from your baby & the pressure at home at times. Do wear long sleeve & pants to minimise exposure to wind. I bathe frequently towards the middle of the confinement too. It made me feels fresher. A warm bath can calm & relax you. Do bathe with herbal water to prevent rheumatism.
A happy mummy = a happy baby & hubby = a happy family
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