There's a lot of unhappy events in my life recently.
James' grandmother passed away last monday. She died in her sleep after difficulty breathing.
Charis is having colic, so when she's uncomfortable, she'll kept crying & will require my full attention. She's also especially sticky to me when she's uncomfortable. She'll need me to be by her side or carry her throughout the whole day. Yes, I really mean the whole day. If I do put her down, she'll start wailing for quite some time.
My brother is hospitalised again, the second time in 1 week. His left arm is totally numb now, & he can no longer move it. He kept having severe headache as well. The doctor could not diagnose the cause yet. I am so worried about him because his condition is deteriortating very fast. Yet because the doctor could not find the cause, they can only give him panadol to ease the pain. With his current condition, he'll have to quit his job & rest for an indefinite period of time.
I had wanted to work part-time in my current job so that I can spend more time with Charis. Everyday, I see her looks changing. She's growing very fast, & has already shed off the newborn looks. She's learning new tricks & behaviors everyday too. I don't want to miss this special moment of watching her grow up.
Yet, with my brother's condition, I know I cannot aff0rd to work part-time anymore. I'll have to help support my brother's loss income. Now that I'll be working full-time again, I'll need my sister to take care of Charis when I'm working. Charis may even stay overnight at my sister's house when James is overseas or when I have morning appointment the next day too. My sister is a babysitter, & in order to take care of Charis, she'll have to forgo a current job offer. To compensate her, I'll be giving her $700-800/month for taking care of Charis. With Charis' expenses, the pay for my sister & also to support my brother, the financial stress is undeniably there. Building fund is also starting soon.
Life isn't always a bed of roses, so sometimes, things don't out the way we want them to be. The last time I met a crisis was in year 2005. I was in bible school then, & being in the presence of God daily helped me greatly. This time, I find it so hard to soak in God's presence. With Charis' colic, I'm so busy I hardly have time to eat or drink, let alone to pray. Sometimes, in order to pray, I even have to carry her while praying. I have also become so phsyically drained. I used to need to lie on the bed for at least half an hour before I can fall into deep sleep, now I can do so once my head hit the bed. I am also emotionally drained. I don't remember crying so much for years. 2 nights ago, I was on the verge of breaking down, & I called James even while he's in Saudi. I am surprised at this emotional side of me. Have the burden become too heavy?
Yet, just as God has pulled me through in year 2005, I know He can do it for me again. At the end of the tunnel is always the light. The sun always shines again after the dark. There's seasons in life, & seasons passes. The valley is another journey necessary in life that I need to walk through, so that I can reach the mountain top again. Most importantly, I know my God & I know who He is.
James' grandmother passed away last monday. She died in her sleep after difficulty breathing.
Charis is having colic, so when she's uncomfortable, she'll kept crying & will require my full attention. She's also especially sticky to me when she's uncomfortable. She'll need me to be by her side or carry her throughout the whole day. Yes, I really mean the whole day. If I do put her down, she'll start wailing for quite some time.
My brother is hospitalised again, the second time in 1 week. His left arm is totally numb now, & he can no longer move it. He kept having severe headache as well. The doctor could not diagnose the cause yet. I am so worried about him because his condition is deteriortating very fast. Yet because the doctor could not find the cause, they can only give him panadol to ease the pain. With his current condition, he'll have to quit his job & rest for an indefinite period of time.
I had wanted to work part-time in my current job so that I can spend more time with Charis. Everyday, I see her looks changing. She's growing very fast, & has already shed off the newborn looks. She's learning new tricks & behaviors everyday too. I don't want to miss this special moment of watching her grow up.
Yet, with my brother's condition, I know I cannot aff0rd to work part-time anymore. I'll have to help support my brother's loss income. Now that I'll be working full-time again, I'll need my sister to take care of Charis when I'm working. Charis may even stay overnight at my sister's house when James is overseas or when I have morning appointment the next day too. My sister is a babysitter, & in order to take care of Charis, she'll have to forgo a current job offer. To compensate her, I'll be giving her $700-800/month for taking care of Charis. With Charis' expenses, the pay for my sister & also to support my brother, the financial stress is undeniably there. Building fund is also starting soon.
Life isn't always a bed of roses, so sometimes, things don't out the way we want them to be. The last time I met a crisis was in year 2005. I was in bible school then, & being in the presence of God daily helped me greatly. This time, I find it so hard to soak in God's presence. With Charis' colic, I'm so busy I hardly have time to eat or drink, let alone to pray. Sometimes, in order to pray, I even have to carry her while praying. I have also become so phsyically drained. I used to need to lie on the bed for at least half an hour before I can fall into deep sleep, now I can do so once my head hit the bed. I am also emotionally drained. I don't remember crying so much for years. 2 nights ago, I was on the verge of breaking down, & I called James even while he's in Saudi. I am surprised at this emotional side of me. Have the burden become too heavy?
Yet, just as God has pulled me through in year 2005, I know He can do it for me again. At the end of the tunnel is always the light. The sun always shines again after the dark. There's seasons in life, & seasons passes. The valley is another journey necessary in life that I need to walk through, so that I can reach the mountain top again. Most importantly, I know my God & I know who He is.
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